Dating apps intentionally make finding the one harder

While dating apps can provide opportunities to meet new people, some critics argue that their design and business models may not always prioritize helping users find long-term partners. There are a few reasons why dating apps may not focus entirely on fostering lasting relationships:

1. Business Model: Profit from Engagement

  • User engagement drives revenue: Dating apps often rely on user activity (swiping, messaging, etc.) to generate revenue through ads, subscriptions, or in-app purchases. The more users interact, the more money the app makes. This creates an incentive to keep users engaged for as long as possible, even if that doesn’t always lead to meaningful relationships.
  • Encouraging “casual” behavior: By promoting short-term connections (e.g., through quick swiping or superficial profiles), apps can keep people using the platform for longer periods. In contrast, if users find meaningful relationships too quickly, they may stop using the app, cutting off future revenue opportunities.

2. Gamification of Dating

  • Instant gratification: Many dating apps have gamified the experience, with features like swiping, “likes,” and instant matches that reward users with quick, dopamine-boosting feedback. This fosters a kind of “shopping” mentality rather than creating a deeper, more thoughtful approach to dating. It encourages users to keep looking for validation or new connections, which may not be conducive to forming a long-term relationship.
  • Superficial choices: The focus on images and quick swipes, as seen in apps like Tinder, reduces people to first impressions and initial attraction. This can create a shallow dating experience where users might not invest time into truly getting to know someone.

3. Emphasis on “More Matches”

  • Quantity over quality: Apps often emphasize increasing the number of potential matches, not necessarily fostering quality connections. With an overwhelming number of options, users can feel pressured to “keep swiping” or engaging with new people rather than focusing on one potential partner, making it harder to settle into a meaningful relationship.
  • Paradox of choice: Some apps encourage constant exploration of new matches. Studies show that having too many options can lead to decision fatigue, where people struggle to commit to any one option, reducing the likelihood of long-term commitment.

4. Frequent User Turnover

  • People come and go: Many users on dating apps are not there for the long haul. They may sign up for a short period, looking for a quick fling or simply testing the waters. Dating apps, therefore, often cater to people in varying stages of interest—from casual dating to seeking a serious partner—making it difficult to foster a community of committed users.
  • Low barriers to entry: Signing up for a dating app is easy, and many users may join without any serious intent. This lack of commitment from some users can dilute the potential for meaningful connections.

5. Shifting User Behavior

  • User focus on “variety”: Many users, particularly younger ones, may prefer variety and the thrill of meeting new people instead of narrowing down to a single partner. Dating apps often capitalize on this desire for novelty, fostering a “sample everything” approach rather than encouraging a deep, meaningful connection.
  • Short-term satisfaction: People who use dating apps for validation, attention, or “fun” may not be genuinely interested in a committed relationship. In these cases, the app’s primary function is to provide social stimulation rather than facilitate deep, long-term connections.

6. Algorithmic Matching vs. True Compatibility

  • Algorithms for quick matches: Many apps rely on algorithms that match people based on a few surface-level factors, such as location or shared interests. However, these algorithms rarely take into account deeper compatibility factors like emotional connection, long-term goals, or life values, which are often crucial for sustaining a long-term relationship.
  • Optimizing for activity: The algorithms also tend to prioritize showing users profiles they’re likely to swipe on or engage with quickly, rather than matching based on compatibility for a deeper relationship.

7. Lack of Support for Relationship Building

  • Minimal guidance: Dating apps typically focus on facilitating initial interactions and leaving users to navigate the complexities of relationship-building themselves. Unlike traditional dating or matchmaking services, they often don’t provide any coaching or advice on how to cultivate a meaningful, long-term relationship.
  • Transactional nature: The interactions on many dating apps often feel transactional. A person may feel like they’re just another “match,” and the process can lack the intimacy and personal connection that real-world dating might provide. This dynamic often makes it harder for users to connect on a deeper level.

8. The Rise of “Choice Fatigue”

  • Difficulty in commitment: With so many potential matches at your fingertips, it can be hard for users to make a decision. When users have an abundance of choices, they often feel like there might be someone “better” just a few swipes away, preventing them from fully investing in any one person. This phenomenon can keep people in a cycle of short-term interactions rather than moving toward a long-term relationship.

Conclusion

Dating apps often design their platforms to keep users engaged, generating continuous activity rather than focusing solely on helping people find lasting, meaningful relationships. This can mean encouraging short-term connections, promoting variety, and catering to a “swipe culture” rather than fostering deeper compatibility. However, despite these dynamics, many people do use dating apps successfully to find committed, long-term relationships, but it may require a more intentional approach, patience, and discernment.